I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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