my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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