Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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