Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
