why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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