Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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