If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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