This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
