I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
