you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
