gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have post one night stand depression
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
