we have pet lesbian snakes
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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