I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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