I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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