I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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