The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FUCK WHALES
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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