Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I color on your dick again?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
