Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
