Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
