is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
