tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
