White coat. Heels.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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