we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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