dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
