I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he puts the penis in happiness.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
