No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
