I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My cat gives me a boner
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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