once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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