The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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