I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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