Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
