my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
