so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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