There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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