living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
