so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
