if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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