Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
