She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
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This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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