loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
