And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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