That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
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