Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
