Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
