brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I won the penis lottery.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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