I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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