i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Small penises have feelings too.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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