ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
