Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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