their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
