I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Two words: blizzard sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
