Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
