Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
