I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
