Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
