whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
