is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize