Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
