It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
