woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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