i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize