Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
