I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
