I just made out with a guy for $7.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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