So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
