i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
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Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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