I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
