Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
