nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
