and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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