we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
