but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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