So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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