nut hugger
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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