I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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