ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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