I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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