I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
