she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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