Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
