i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
