I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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