Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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